Today is officially day 2 of Bridget Gets Healthy. That’s what I’m telling myself at least, that I’m trying to get healthy. Sure I want to be able to run along the Hudson without an asthma attack (more importantly because I don’t have asthma) and live to be a 100, but let’s be real. By “Bridget gets healthy” I mean, “Bridget won’t die obese, bloated, and alone.” I want to fit into my skinny jeans and not feel the need to suck in just like every other girl who has a little extra pudding in her pouch. I want to rock a strapless Shoshanna without internally crying about my arm flab. The point is I want a hot bod. I want to look better physically and if I just so happen to feel better health-wise, well then that is just the organic cherry on my sugar-free, low-carb, frozen yogurt sundae.
Diet
Bottom line: stop eating like an asshole. Seriously. Sometimes after a meal I’m fairly certain the ghost of Chris Farley has invaded my body. Worst of all, this isn’t always after an actual meal and happens when I’m not even hungry. This can occur when I’m just bored at home or walking down the street and I hear a seductive soft pretzel whispering “come-hither.” Let’s not even start with the post-bar hopping binges. That is when every idea of dieting goes out the window. Who cares I’ve just downed 500 calories worth of vodka tonics; it’s time to inhale a pizza!
This behavior stops here and now. No, I’m not going to follow a hip fad diet that excludes one major nutritional component or only includes one random ingredient like cabbage. Like I said, I’m just going to stop eating like an asshole. I’m also turning in my membership card to the clean plate club. When I’m no longer hungry I will stop eating…what a concept. The one thing I won’t completely give up however is alcohol. We all need a few vices. It’s not like I’m pounding a six-pack on a daily basis anyway, I only drink socially. And come on, I’m a 22-year-old single girl living in New York. A weekend cocktail is kind of part of the uniform. Diet cokes don’t really match my outfits.
Exercise
They say our bodies are our temples. If this is the case, mine is currently more like a crummy church basement with fluorescent lighting than the Shwedagon Pagoda. No one is worshipping at the foot of this altar. Therefore, I must convert to the church of exercise. And I mean actual exercise not forgoing time at the gym because I walked .8 miles to Whole Foods. Living in New York may mean my legs are my primary source of transportation, but I can’t let this be my primary source of exercise. So I’m committing myself to one hour of cardio 7 days a week. I’m doing 7 instead of the usual 5 because as previously mentioned, mama loves her Saturday night vodka and that can pack on the cals. I’m also going to be lifting weights so I can finally be able to open a pickle jar without feeling sweat form on my wrist.
Dear Regina….Kindly Shut the F*ck Up
We all have that voice in our heads. It’s the voice that tells us things, makes judgment calls, etc. Some call this their inner voice, their ego, their inner child. I don’t call mine anything I just know she is a real bitch (if you’re a young lady out there, can I get an amen?) While psychologists say this voice should be telling us positive thoughts mine sounds more like Mel Gibson requesting a blow job before he threatens to burn down his house. Geneen Roth touches on this inner dialogue concept in her book, “Women Food and God” and it kind of hit me. That bitch in my head is actually me and I have the total ability to tell it to shut the f*ck up. I’ve named this bitch Regina (one because I hate the name, I mean seriously…Regina? Two, because it makes me think of that slut Regina George from “Mean Girls”). So whenever I put on a dress and I’m tempted to think to myself, “do you have a traction control system to go with that spare tire?” I will tell Regina to kindly take a hike.
This part may seem a little Oprah-esque but Roth and many gurus will tell you that this voice inside our head can play a vital role in our lives, both good and bad. In my case, I think the negative talk in the past gave myself low expectations, which in turn led me to never fully carry out an actual diet and work out plan. Not this time kiddies. This time it’s out with Regina George and in with Sasha Fierce.
Starting Weight: Right, like I’m actually going to tell you.
Weight Lost: Stay tuned…
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